Post-It: ETD 00:19am

[maced_eggs]

So.

Am I still dreaming other people's dreams, or is there a fucking talking raccoon on the ship?


Holy fuck, there is a talking raccoon on the fuckin' ship.

Raccoons, they're. Ehh. I'm sorry, they're just fucking creepy, aren't they? Little fat badgers with masks on with their little bitty claws, digging in people's garbage.

It's not bloody sanitary. M'not eating at the same table as something with rabies. You're having a laugh, Admiral. Keep the animals with the animals.

Comments

[routemistress]

Most of my people think of humans that way and all. Lesser species.

[maced_eggs]

It's a raccoon.

[routemistress]

So? My best mate's a panda. Two of the loves of my life belong to a species 'alf the galaxy calls vermin.

And Rocket's more sanitary than you are, most days.

[maced_eggs]

That is completely uncalled for. I've never had fleas.

..More'n once.

Never had fleas more'n once.

[routemistress]

Fleas like you to be clean and not 'ave too much poison in your system, Mason.

I never saw it overflow out of your gob before now, though.

[maced_eggs]

I don't have poison in me system. First minute I stop drinking, there's fuckin' talking raccoons everywhere.

[routemistress]

That's not the poison I'm talking about, Mason.

[maced_eggs]

What, like, not being dead?

[routemistress]

'Ave you listened to yourself? Hating on someone for being what they were born? Of all the things I might've believed of you, Mason, that weren't even on the list.

[maced_eggs]

I know. I know, s'not right to think that.

I jus' really don't like raccoons. They can be unbelievably nasty.

[routemistress]

As nasty as you're being now?

[maced_eggs]

Nastier. I don't bite you on the bum with my sharp teeth an' steal your wallet.

[routemistress]

You steal people's stuff all the bloody time, Mason.

[maced_eggs]

Yes, but I don't bite people.

Look, it's a professional thing, all right? It's competition.

[routemistress]

Bollocks is it, Mason, this boat's full of thieves and they're almost all better at it than you.

You're better than this and you know it. Plus, if I'm any judge, Rocket's on 'is way to deliver an educational punch up the hooter.

[maced_eggs]

That's unfair. If it were a contest, if I had my powers? I'd be fuckin' unstoppable.

...Is he now? Can he reach?

[routemistress]

So abusing your powers gives you enough moral 'igh ground to be racist all over the place now, does it? Mason, if I didn't care about losing my job 'ere I'd be 'olding Rocket's stepladder for 'im.

[maced_eggs]

I don't like raccoons, Iris. They're mean an' diseased an' they're all over the fuckin' place.

[routemistress]

So're humans, Mason, and I've still managed to stay friends with a shiteload over the years. And I really don't like cutting any of 'em off.

But I don't 'esitate, when they disappoint me this badly. I 'ope you 'ave a good life.

[And then she cuts the feed.]