Post-It: ETD 00:05am

Right. Gather around, kids. Uncle Mason is here to teach you about what you need to know to survive in your crazy little worlds once you redeem yourselves and go on to live full, productive lives.

First, you need money to survive. So you can either steal, or you can get a job. Job is safer, but it's more work, so if you're going to do the job route you want somewhere where you can slack off as much as humanly possible. Night security, retail, stocking, anythin' like that. Bonus if you're stocking because it means you can lift things on the side. But if you're going the stealing route, leave the credit cards. Cash is king. And hocking stolen merchandise can be a pain in the ass: don't steal things you yourself can't use.

Next, you're gonna need a place to live, right? So what you do is you pick up your newspaper and flip to the local obituary section. Look for older men who live alone, preferably with their kids living out of state. Then go to their houses an' break in. You've got yourself a place! An' sometimes the kids forget to write the social security office so you get free checks too.

Which leaves showering. Don't fuckin' throw your money away on washing clothes. Wear your nastiest, rattiest outfit and go down to the Salvation Army. Pick out clothes you like, switch them out for the ones you're wearing and walk out the door. None the wiser.

Next lessons, we will cover meals, dating, and fighting blokes twice your size. Have I fucking graduated yet? Yes? Fucking hell.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

punched_hitler

I'm not saying people aren't personally responsible.

I'm just saying you don't want to be personally responsible for putting bad ideas in people's heads.

[A shrug.] The idea here is reform. That's what I was told when I signed on.

[oaky, reform doesn't mean totally on the straight and narrow. But he's not letting you know he thinks that.]

maced_eggs

An' were you told to go around reforming everyone you meet? Because last time I checked, I was not paired.

I wasn't told not to offer advice. [Explicitly.]

Especially if you don't have a warden of your own.

I'm in the clear then, aren't I? If I've not got a warden, no one's around to tell me what not to do.

[This makes all logical sense in Mason's world]

Oh, I think you'll find there are still plenty of us around to tell you what not to do.

[Although clearly you're not going to listen. Oh, well. It'll catch up with you, pal. He's got no doubt.]

Edited Date: 2014-06-17 03:37 pm (UTC)

I will take your advice under consideration and choose instead not to listen.

That's your prerogative, pal.

[And yet you'll be surprised, he's sure, when you end up paying for it. Because he has no doubt of that. Especially if he's the one that catches you at something.]