Post-It: ETD 00:17am [Text]

[maced_eggs]

New Year's Resolutions

-Stop drinking
-Stop ingesting foreign substances
-Stay away from fucking vampires and clowns
-Learn how to take care of a rabbit
-Figure out the fuck I want to do with my life
-See Georgie and Daisy again
-Be nicer to Gwenny
-Bathe more regularly
-Read a book

Comments

[text]

[maced_eggs]

Yeah. Yeah, I do have a warden. Her name's Gwen, she's very nice.

You going to let me into the bar or what?

[text]

[no_tell_belle]

Sorry, son, but I believe I'm going to have to go with 'or what?' on this one. It's for your own good, you understand.


Now if you want to have your warden call me and give the OK, well, that might be a completely different story.

[text]

[maced_eggs]

If I call Gwenny and she says it's all right, what's to stop her from letting me in? No. No, I want you to let me in. As a secret.

It's Christmas. Isn't it? I can't remember, actually.

[text]

[no_tell_belle]

That's a very good question. An excellent question, in fact. [Venus may be new but she didn't just fall off the turnip truck. Also, Iris is very informative.]


No, darling, Christmas over and done. Time to start working on making the nice list for next year.

[text]

[maced_eggs]

F-fuck. What's the nearest holiday to it? You ought to let me in. C'mon.

Please let me in. I could really use a drink, it's been a fuckin' awful year for me, dying an' all.

[text]

[no_tell_belle]

New Year's Eve is tomorrow. Maybe if you're very, very good, your warden will let you have some champagne then.



From what I hear, it's been a pretty fucking awful year filled with death for everyone. You're not scoring any points for that.

[text]

[maced_eggs]

Don't be cruel to me. Please, I don't deserve it. Honest. Fuckin' hell, it's not bad enough I've died, surrounded by death, got no job any longer, nothing..

Yeah, but me more'n most.

[text]

[no_tell_belle]

Sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind, and I'm afraid this is one of those sometimes.

[text]

[maced_eggs]

That doesn't make any bloody sense. 'Cruel to be kind', who the fuck came up with that one? Some wanker who didn't want to be nice but didn't want others to call him a cunt.

[text]

[no_tell_belle]

Possibly, but in this case, it means saying no because that's what's best for you. After all, it would be easy enough to let you drink yourself stupid but then where would you be? Besides under the table puking on someone's shoes, I mean.

[text]

[maced_eggs]

And you know what's best for me, do you? I like puking on someone's shoes.

[text]

[no_tell_belle]

I don't need to know what's best for you to know what's not best. Anyway, you should consider the possibility that people may not like you puking on their shoes. It's rude and unsanitary.

[text]

[maced_eggs]

Can't help it, love. I like drinking.

..No, I don't like it, but it hurts when I don't do it.

[text]

[no_tell_belle]

That's what detox is for, darling. Yes, I know--detox hurts too but only for a little bit and then you control your life instead of the booze being in charge.

You don't really want to keep doing something you don't like, do you?

[text]

[maced_eggs]

I don't like bein' a fuckin' reaper but I've been doing it forty fuckin' years. Why can't I be drinking along with it?

F-fuck..

[text]

[no_tell_belle]

A reaper? Not as in grim surely...?

[text]

[maced_eggs]

Yeeeahh.

Issnot a job you can say no to. This fuckin' boat's the first break I've had in it since 1966.

[text]

[no_tell_belle]

A Grim Reaper can be an alcoholic? Well, now that seems [impossible] like an extremely poor use of inhuman resources. What if you screw up and kill the wrong person?

[text]

[maced_eggs]

Reapers don't kill.

...not usually, we don't.

An' I had much more of a tolerance when I had me powers. Gwenny won't give them back. Says I'll abuse them. I wouldn't.

[text]

[no_tell_belle]

What do reapers do then?


I can't imagine why she'd think that...other than the fact you are apparently prone to abusing anything that can be abused. I bet she'd give them back if you could prove you could control your vices.

[text]

[maced_eggs]

We take the souls of people about to die. An' y'know. Send them on their way, make sure their deaths don't hurt.

I've proved it, haven't I? Been forcibly sober for months now. That port in Amsterdam shouldn't count!

[text]

[no_tell_belle]

So you're more like angels? Foul-mouthed junkie angels.


The 'forcibly' part of that statement tends to undermine your assertion. You need to be able to do it voluntarily otherwise you haven't proven anything.

[text]

[maced_eggs]

Ffffuck no. Nah, we're not angels. We're the undead. Jus' regular people who died an' got stuck with the shit jobs.

...But that isn't fair. I'm not even permitted to be around alcohol, how can I prove bloody anything?

[text]

[no_tell_belle]

Fine. You're zombies then. Zombies who want souls instead of brains.


You could start proving it by not begging everyone to let you into the pub. Find something to take your mind off the booze--read a book, shoot some pool, take up knitting. I hear that's a nice relaxing hobby.

[text]

[maced_eggs]

I don't want souls. Wouldn't know what the fuck to do with them if they stuck around. An' fuck off, no one likes to be called a zombie. I'll take 'reaper', thank-you-very-much.

Don't have the concentration for it. Also I think better when I'm drunk.