Post-It: ETD 00:17am [Text]

[maced_eggs]

New Year's Resolutions

-Stop drinking
-Stop ingesting foreign substances
-Stay away from fucking vampires and clowns
-Learn how to take care of a rabbit
-Figure out the fuck I want to do with my life
-See Georgie and Daisy again
-Be nicer to Gwenny
-Bathe more regularly
-Read a book

Comments

[text/private]

[routemistress]

he's a lovely, lovely man. and I say that in an essentially platonic way.

he's also totally gone on you, btw. he's just a bit cautious about admittng it; a man who's suffered as many losses as he has gets wary.

I am so damn glad you came here <3 <3

[text/private]

[no_tell_belle]

Oh, I don't know about that. [She tends to think Iris is overstating the matter. 'Totally gone' is simply not something she's allowed herself to even hope for. She's still getting used to the idea there's something more than friendship between them, and honestly, that's enough. That makes her happy.]

Well, pain is a powerful teacher, and that kind of damage leaves deep scars. But he's a sweet man with a generous heart. I'm confident he can overcome any adversity he encounters.


I am as well, and not just because of Alexander. If I hadn't come, I would never have met you and that would be a terrible loss.

Re: [text/private]

[routemistress]

speaking as a detached observer who's fond of you both? totally gone.

He absolutely will. His only real problem is he believes his own bad press and it makes him afraid to make the effort, but you and me and Allison'll shake that out of him quick enough.

bloody hell, it's so nice to have a grown woman to make friends with, Allison &co are wonderful people but they're babies. everyone else that's not a teenager is either stuck-up undead royalty or Barbara.

and I love Babs - have you met my Babs yet you can't miss her, glorious redhead - but not exactly as a friend.

[text/private]

[no_tell_belle]

I'll have to take your word for that.


You're right, of course. Alexander can't or won't see what's good in himself. However, if pure mule-headed stubbornness is the key to convincing him, I do believe we women have that covered.


Unfortunately, no, I haven't. And are we speaking of 'not exactly' as in more than friends?

[text/private]

[routemistress]

I'm in love with her. I like to think of that as different from friends. It's not less; but the dynamic, the flow of energy between people, it's not the same, is it?

she is much too good for me. that's an oddly stimulating thing. who knew?

you already met the boyfriend, he was bitching about Xmas sweaters yesterday XD

[text/private]

[no_tell_belle]

How wonderful for you! I agree, it's not the same. I like to think there's an element of friendship in any relationship but love... Well, love transforms you. It's an exquisite feeling.

I sincerely doubt that. Different from you but surely not better.

The contractor? He's your boyfriend?

[text/private]

[routemistress]

retired! he's a warden now XD

[text/private]

[no_tell_belle]

lol yes, he did mention being retired. And that makes him the second person I've met who's gone from inmate to warden.

[text/private]

[routemistress]

oh, there are a bunch, and some of the best ones: Anya, Chris, Cassel, Ben, Morgana, my Zane, the list goes on.

Powerfully taught by pain and transformed by love. You've nutshelled the absolute essence of what we do here in those two phrases, darling.

also Cain had already given up murdering by the time we met. I'm not sure I would have fallen for him any less immediately and hard if he hadn't, mind you, but it would have definitely made things awkward.

[text/private]

[no_tell_belle]

I'm not surprised. I imagine having gone through the experience from the other side could provide valuable insight into the process.


That's just the human experience, isn't it? Non-human as well, apparently. And now that I've got the right idea, let's hope I can put it into practice.

Awkward would be one word for it.

[text/private]

[routemistress]

Everyone sentient has got some basic things in common, haven't they? It really does. I know I've learned a lot from them: little things you might not think of if you haven't lived it. They'll all of them help, as well: Chris does a startlingly good idiot impersonation, but he has empathy and charisma by the bucketload and a genius for making people both like and underestimate him. Cassel and Ben are like housecats, liable to hide under your furniture and just watch you till they're used to you. Very mindful, very good instincts, both of them.

Zane and Anya are both - we have several literal magic users here and they're not that, but they're their own kind of wizards. They've transmuted their pain into burning spears of transformative love, they have, and I got to watch them do it.

sometimes I can be annoyingly evangelical about this boat. I love it passionately. I love this work passionately. And when you've seen an unhappy, broken person full of pain and hate rebuild themselves from scratch, you'll see why. It's worth everything we go through here.

[text/private]

[no_tell_belle]

They all sound wonderful. And unique. I like that. I never could understand how any program could treat rehabilitation like an assembly line at a factory and expect it to work. People aren't widgets. They're complicated and strange and wonderful and wierd, and if you can't see the beauty in their differences, how can you hope to help them? I find it comforting to know that here both wardens and inmates are encouraged to use their own personal strengths to help one another.


Darling, you are preaching to the choir. [Truly. No one comes out of a childhood like Venus endured whole. Her transformation wasn't solely about gender; it was also about healing her soul.]

I confess, it's daunting to think about having that kind of responsibility for another human being but I don't doubt for a moment that it is worth it.

[text/private]

[routemistress]

Oh, I know I am! I think that's largely why I am, you're the first person I've met in a long time I can say this to and not get looked at like I've lost my mind. A lot of wardens - not all by a long chalk, but enough - they're just here to get something they need.

Well. So was I, to be fair, and so am I still, but what I need these days is the home I have here.

and pfft. only a stupid person wouldn't be a little daunted. I'd be more than surprised if that had ever stopped you doing what you needed or wanted to do.

[text/private]

[no_tell_belle]

I'm never going to look at you like you're crazy, Miss Iris. I've been on the other side of that equation and I know what it's like for people to think you're crazy or stupid. I know cynicism is all the rage--and justifiably so in many cases--but I can't live that way. I have to believe in the power of the human spirit otherwise what's the point?

It's true, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't getting something out of it, something more than the satisfaction of helping someone. I've got a son back home for whom I am financially responsible, and I couldn't just leave that responsibility behind without good reason. I see this as a win-win situation--I get to do something important and provide something for him I couldn't otherwise.